Self-Control and the Tyranny of the Ego

Read time 2 minutes. The first stand alone article in our self-control series.

One of the more confounding truths we run into early on is this:
We long for lasting peace, but no direct effort brings it about.
So instead, we position ourselves.
We create conditions.
We wait, if we’re earnest, something deeper might move.

That’s where self-control often comes into the picture.
But if we look closely, we’ll see it rarely works the way we hope.

The inner rug of war

Why is self-control so unreliable?
Because it’s almost always initiated by the ego.
And efforts made by the ego don’t lead to lasting change.
Only Tao transforms.

Take dieting.
We want to be healthy, so we eat less.
But now we’re caught in a tug of war:
One part of us is compelled to sustain, and yes, satisfy the self.
Another part wants to live longer
and thus we are compelled to watch what we eat.

Both seem noble.
But both serve a self-image: one of pleasure, one of discipline.

And so begins the internal split.

If we “fail,” we don’t say,
“My appetite was stronger than my desire to be healthy.”
We say,
“My appetite was stronger than me.”

As if there were two selves—
One pure and noble, the other indulgent and weak.
The unity of Tao disappears,
and we divide into attacker and attacked.

Self-control: Who’s controlling whom?

This is the trap.
We think we’re applying self-control,
but what we’re really doing is reinforcing division.

Real transformation starts from unity.
It doesn’t ask, “How do I conquer myself?”
It asks, “What is my relationship to this impulse?”

Am I truly hungry?
Can I stay with the moment long enough to notice when I’ve had enough?
If I overeat, do I punish myself—or simply notice?

Tao doesn’t shame.
It balances.
It learns in real time.

So we let go of conquering.
We observe.
We allow Tao to reorient us, moment by moment.

And from there,
we begin to change.

🌀 From the GZM Archives – Polished, Preserved, Still Relevant.

Explore more:

There is plenty of science to support the idea that we have a dysfunctional relationship with self-control. This article on the British Heart Foundation website takes a comprehensive dive into the complexities of this topic.

Photo by Angie Fritz