Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called—self.
If you have been following along, then you are aware that, from time to time, we experience mini-awakenings—momentary flashes of clarity, temporary suspensions of struggle, glimpses of authentic truth in the ongoing dance of ego and awakening. Even the smallest act of allowing is a micro-awakening—a surrender of resistance. A mutual act of letting go.
Let’s dig a bit deeper. Hubert Benoit suggests that our interactions with the world give rise to a welling of energy inside of us. At first, this energy is pure, vital, and unlabeled. Yet it is foreign to us. Very quickly it becomes the source of discomfort, and so we channel this energy into reaction—thoughts, words, tension, action. But what if we didn’t? What if we just… let it be?
Instead of letting every impulse set the mind-body machine into motion, what if we simply allowed the energy to exist without engaging with it?
The balloon
Now, imagine that your ego is a balloon. Not just a regular round balloon, but a twisted, ridiculous shape you’ve mistaken for yourself. That vital energy? It’s like air filling up that balloon. Normally, our imaginative and emotive activity acts as a safety valve, preventing the balloon from expanding beyond its conditioned form. This is a good thing, right? We all know what happens when we overinflate a balloon.
But that’s the ego talking—protecting itself. When we stop releasing energy through reaction, the balloon begins to distort. It stretches beyond recognition. And then, at a certain point, the tension becomes too much and…
POP.
Bottom line: You think you are holding yourself together. In actuality, you are maintaining and affirming an illusion. The ego is formal. It holds form within the world of form. Tao, your true nature, is in-formal, unfamiliar, and unrecognizable.
The pop
What if, instead of thinking in terms of the normal and the familiar, you began thinking in terms of expansion—into the unknown? When illusion bursts, the separate self collapses, not with a whimper, but with a glorious, unexpected explosion.
While this is a useful analogy, it is—like all analogies—limited, even dangerous. You must not turn this into a game of storing energy. Furthermore, this isn’t about suppressing emotions, nor should you force yourself to be “calm.” It’s about not engaging in the usual mental soap opera.
Let the energy build.
Let the balloon inflate.
Ego and awakening: a flicker within
Awakening isn’t a step-by-step process. It’s a gesture—a flicker—within the infinite moment. Again and again. Always now. You don’t have to do anything—just stop pulling the release valve. Yes, there will be discomfort. Endure the discomfort. Resist the urge to release. Do it all with a warrior spirit. It is nothing you can’t handle. The rest will take care of itself.
Don’t get deflated.
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