Today we are going to discuss a common, important and powerful acceptance meditation practice or mindfulness technique that involves contemplating death and mortality. Sounds like a real hoot, right? Actually, as grim as the subject may seem, this is a practice that can help us step into and embrace life. As is so often the case, we will see the appearance of many of the common themes such as impermanence, presence, letting go and the limited, false self of the ego. Of course, there is a heavy dose of our most recent subject matter, acceptance, as well.
One of the earliest teachers that really spoke to me on a level I could relate to was Wayne Dyer. I specifically remember him saying in one of his lectures that we must learn to “die while we are alive.” This is a concept that one can find in many cultures and philosophies. Take the phrase memento mori, or Latin for “remember that you will die.” It is not just within eastern philosophy, but many societies all around the world and throughout history have recognized the value of periodically contemplating or even maintaining an awareness and acceptance of mortality.
Working with, not against, the ego
So how should we go about exercising the practice of contemplating our mortality? There are many ways that we can do so. In a moment I will outline an acceptance meditation practice that can be incorporated into our other meditation practices. However, for those who are newer to practice, contemplating mortality can be a powerful way to get an initial taste of what a Zen mindset is all about. Let me share how I was able to use it early in my exploration and understanding.
I always like to add a little humor whenever I can. It is a very fine line between comedy and tragedy. By seeing the lighter side of things, I offer an inviting hand out to my ego. A lot of practice is focused on getting the ego to release its grip on our lives and to step aside. That said, it is important that we not make an enemy of our ego or constantly put it on the defensive. By finding the humor in life, I also humor the ego. I indulge it a bit, and I find it becomes a bit less reactive when I practice.
Acceptance meditation practice creates room and sees the big picture
So what does this have to do with mindfulness or acceptance meditation practice? For me, especially early on, I would break the ice with a joke to myself. If something bad happened I might say to myself, Well, think of it this way. You could be dead. This practice actually helped me with anxiety. I would rather be dead than waste another precious moment worrying about that stupid thing. I know, hilarious, right? But this little bit of sarcasm can create some room for us to work in. Furthermore, what starts off as a bit of sarcasm can very quickly turn into a moment of deep contemplation.
There is the old playful expression: You can’t take it with you. It is so well known because it resonates with truth, but really take a moment to stay with the thought and explore it. In the final moments before death, will any single one of us remember or care about our petty anxieties? There is another phrase: Look at the big picture. Doing so provides context. It humbles us. The big picture of life pretty quickly eliminates the petty anxieties of a passing moment. If you can find a way to do this for yourself then you can get an early, isolated experience of what it feels like to let go and the freedom that comes along with it.
Formal acceptance meditation practice
Some may wish to incorporate a more formal approach into their practice. This can be done within the context of an existing meditation regimen. Many meditation techniques are centered around breath awareness. Correct understanding of the teachings reveals that all things are impermanent, without exception. As such, we can even recognize the impermanence of each passing breath. For example, we might think to ourselves as we meditate, Breathing in, I observe the impermanence of this breath. Breathing out, I acknowledge the impermanence of all things, within and without.
An inner dialogue such as this can be particularly helpful when we are just getting started. Going forward, however, it may be to our advantage if we can learn to let any specific dialogue go. As with all things in Zen, trying to understand and live impermanence is inherently limited and ultimately bound to come up short. As this article from Still Water Mindfulness Practice Center discusses, impermanence is more than a philosophy. Check out this quote from Thich Nhat Hanh:
“Impermanence is the first key to unlocking the door of reality. Impermanence is a samadhi, a form of concentration. Intellectually, you may agree that things are impermanent, but you might behave as if they were permanent. We have to train ourselves to maintain the insight of impermanence in every minute of our lives. Then we will always have wisdom and happiness.”
Possible benefits of acceptance meditation practice
A general contemplation of mortality or a more specific acceptance meditation practice can open the door to true understanding and transformation. Here are just a few examples of the ways in which it may do so.
Impermanence
Change is a fundamental aspect of life. Yet all change makes us uneasy. How uneasy, then, does the ultimate change of shedding this mortal coil make us? Impermanence, in the context of duality, is also what makes life worth living. Impermanence is not just the end of something. It can also be a beginning. For more on this subject, I highly recommend you read the article I referenced above.
Transcending the ego
Impermanence leads us into this next theme. For me, this is the most powerful benefit that this practice has to offer. Your true self is beyond the ego. Your true home is beyond this life and this body. Life is a wondrous marvel, but it is also the realm in which we experience suffering. Death is the ultimate end of the illusion of the separate self and of all suffering as well.
In addition to all of that, this practice can help us to diminish the role of the ego. Early I suggested that seeing the big picture can humble us. When we humble ourselves then we humble the ego. Humbling the ego, in the context of all of the other teachings, can help us to reduce the dominant role that it plays in our lives. All of this further kicks open that door to genuine, lasting transformation.
Presence
We might think that all of this is just a big excuse to opt out of life, but quite the opposite is true. When we see how fleeting things can be, we appreciate them more. This can be all inclusive. We may appreciate people more. We may appreciate certain things and experiences more. Certainly we will appreciate each moment more.
Fear
It is often said that we must face our fears. Of course, when we do this practice, we stare fear down directly in the eyes. Just as with the ego, we can diminish the role that fear plays in our lives. Stop for a moment and really think about the potential here. Can you actually feel how powerful all of this could be in changing your experience of life? Presence, fearlessness, and true knowledge of the self, these are the building blocks to everything that we have been talking about. Each step of the way we become a little more free, and once you get a taste of freedom there is no substitute.
Death is merely a return home
As we do this practice, it can be helpful to take some of the weight off of it by adding some context. Consider this for a moment. What memory do you have of your time before you were born? Why should you have any reason to believe that your experience of death will be any better or worse than your relationship with that? In addition to this, we can remind ourselves of our true nature. Death is not the end of life. It is only the end of this limited, false ego. Currently we are removed, by degrees, from our true self as Tao. Death is the end of that illusory separation. It is a return.
Questions or feedback? Contact me directly.
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