Keep Your Pants On

Guy comes flying into a parking space as I’m locking my bike up at the grocery store.

Coming in hot.
Like… if his foot slips, I’m part of the asphalt.

So I give him the look.

And you know how fast things escalate.
This thing can go a million ways right now. Most of them bad.

All I actually want… is to go inside and buy groceries.

But he starts talking.
Out of nowhere, he’s making fun of my long hair.

Which is bold.
Because this dude is completely bald.
Like a hairless cat with a driver’s license.

And now I can feel it.
Everything starts bubbling up.

Fight. Flight. Sarcasm.
All of it.

And I’m just standing there… trying not to say anything.

Disturbing thing about me:

When I don’t know what to do…
I want to moon people.

Doesn’t matter the situation.

So now I’m in a grocery store parking lot…
hand already halfway to the waistband…

and I notice—

he’s got kids in the car.

So now it’s not even a confrontation anymore.
I’m about to become a story those kids tell forever.

Or worse.

And I’m just standing there like…

yeah…

being people is a hell of a condition.

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