Read time 3 minutes. A calming breath practice or three to help dissolve the ego.
Long before I knew much about Zen, I stumbled upon an interesting practice. One night, for reasons I can’t remember, I tried to imitate Tibetan throat singing with childlike sincerity. The deep rumble filled me until it felt like my whole body was vibrating. It created a strange calm—an out-of-body experience. At the time, I thought the vibration was the cause. Looking back, maybe it was the breath. Or maybe both. Doesn’t matter. At Greatfruit Zen Mind, calm is calm.
So when I recently came across an article on Psychology Today describing two bizarre “ego-dissolving” techniques—one involving tongue-flopping head wobbles, the other a gooey inner juice called vagusstoff—I was like: this sounds right up my alley.
If you’re tired of holding on—let go
You might not have noticed, but every muscle in your body—including your tongue—carries a baseline level of contraction even when you’re not using it. That background tension keeps muscles ready to move and maintains posture.
What we need is the opposite: some of that resting tongue face.
Loosen your tongue. Let it flop heavy in your mouth. Then lock your eyes on a point in front of you, and start moving your head side to side.
Eyes steady, head on a swivel.
Breath low, easy in the belly.
It’s called hacking the vestibulo-ocular reflex. (Try saying that ten times fast and it’s so long resting tongue face.) We’ll call it a waking dream, minus the dream.
Ego melts like cheap ice cream. And yes, we look ridiculous. So don’t try this at Costco. Or Chuck E. Cheese. (Are those things even around anymore? Doesn’t matter. Don’t.)
Do it long enough and you enter a dreamlike calm while fully awake—REM sleep running backwards. Ego fades, not because you conquered it, but because it is no longer under threat and has lost the sense of doing. Or because it can’t keep a straight face while your head wobbles like that. Or none of the above. Whatever. Calm is calm.
Absurd? Yes. Effective? Also yes. Zen has always been ridiculously effective.
Breathe—like the waiting is over
Here’s another practice you can try:
Imagine the hidden highway that runs from your brain through your chest and into your gut.
Inhale.
Exhale slow.
Slower.
Now, with each breath, imagine squeezing out a drop of calming substance from your brain to your gut. Scientists call it acetylcholine. The article calls it vagusstoff. We call it The Gooey Juice of Inner Tranquility.
Picture it dripping straight onto your heart with every long exhale. Like your body pouring itself a nice cup of tea.
Your system already stocked the bar.
No e-commerce required.
Just breathe and the juice flows.
Try a 4:12 rhythm: inhale for four seconds, exhale for twelve through pursed lips like you’re blowing out too many birthday candles. Two minutes of this and the monkey mind goes monkey-free. Evidently the ego hates vagus juice. Who’d have guessed? I’ve never heard of the stuff. Whatever. Calm is calm.
A final note regarding calming breath practice
If you want the complete explanation, read the original article. But you don’t need science to feel it. You only need the willingness to look ridiculous and exhale longer than you think possible.
These aren’t mystical secrets. They’re hacks already built into the body. A floppy tongue. Tranquil gooey inner juice. Tibetan throat singing—home edition. Different doors, same house. Calm is calm.
Try them. Laugh at yourself while you do. Laughter is part of the practice.
And breathe—like the waiting is over.
If you’re tired of holding on—let go.
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